A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you where to go (if you know what I mean) and make you feel happy to be on your way.
Clothes make the person. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.